Somewhere in between
Somewhere in between the second bite of my last madeline and the third sip of my grande iced white mocha the thought of her webs its way through my conscious. A Her. Yes, a woman. One that seems to be adept at infiltrating my attention, and welcomely so.
“The Crush” by Charles Dana Gibson, 1901
Just a pulse at first, glimpses of her, then when the slurping sound from my drink starts to nag at my attention, I realize I’m playing scenarios in my head–what ifs and why nots. That’s how easily an infatuation (or crush, whichever you’re a disciple of) can seep into your day-to-day activities. At least that’s how it seems to affect me.
The last two short film projects I’ve worked on this past month have been about someone having a crush. JUST LIKE THAT takes its protagonist through a journey where the fantasy of her crush collides into the reality of her circumstances. It’s my visual essay on a previous experience which took place many moons ago. The second piece, CRUSH, is a piece by Richard Gali –is a story of two friends who impulsively approach their crushes using external motivations (material possessions).
In regards to my current state, it’s neither good or bad, it’s just…there. An ever present brain-to-heart back and forth; It’s the cause of my rabbles, the reason for my silences. It’s the only thought that competes for, “What’s for breakfast”, in the morning and by the end of the day, the fuel to my supposed “Sweet Dreams”. That is the nature of the crush, for me.
My only saving grace follows: Regardless of how it comes to me during the day, it behooves me to transfer and harness that amount of raw mental energy towards my creativity. (Part of the reason I’m even writing this blog entry). I don’t think I’ll ever have one definitive post on the topic –how can I? Every crush is different, and within those differences are shades of variety.
How do you feel when you’ve got a crush? Do you find ways to help it keep you productive, or do you find yourself hindered by the overwhelming urge to bathe in the emotion? Leave me a comment below, or tweet me at: Follow @tasialabastro
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